It seems to me that in addition to the "No Eating/Drinking/Smoking/Playing music/Leaning on doors" signs that are posted throughout the trains, there should be survival skills signs. Here is how they would look:
If you want to survive on the Metro and not get pushed/yelled at/cursed at/ or death-stared you should:
1. Be alert. If someone is coming towards you quickly, natural instincts should tell you to move...fast.
2. Be considerate. Let the elderly, pregnant, and women wearing heels sit. Move out of the way of people who look stressed and are clearly in a hurry. Don't talk on your cell-phone or carry on a conversation with your BFFL--unless you've mastered the concept of "inside voices"--which I'm coming to realize is evidently, a rare talent.
3. Leave your baby at home. Don't take this the wrong way, but if your child is not old enough to be carried (or walk) and must be pushed around in a large double-decker stroller on hydraulic monster wheels (which is exactly what they look like when they're taking up half the standing room in the train car), then the Metro is probably not the best means of transportation for you. If you must bring your child and its huge stroller, I direct your attention to Rule #2 and ask you to be considerate and fold the stroller up until you get off the train.
4. Move all the way into the car. Do not congregate around the door, this does not allow people to board or depart the train--Thus, enhancing the likelihood that you will get pushed/yelled at/cursed at/ or death-stared.
5. Walk with a purpose. I get it: You're on vacation with your 5 million children, out for an exciting trip on the Metro. Great, awesome, good for you. This does not however, mean that you get to meander out of the doorways and then stop. Dead in your tracks. Deer in head lights look on your faces. Unless of course, you want to get pushed/yelled at/cursed at/ or death-stared. Or all of the above, simultaneously. The doors only open for a certain amount of time so do the rest of us a favor and walk-- briskly-- out of the way and figure out where you're going in some corner. AND FINALLY...
6. STAND ON THE RIGHT, WALK ON THE LEFT! This is probably the most heinous of offenses. If you are going to treat the escalators as some sort of amusement park ride, then kindly stand on the right hand side so as to allow those of us with places to go and people to see and JOBS to get to.. enough room to walk up or run down the stairs. If you don't adhere to this rule you will probably get pushed (or aaggressively tapped)/yelled at/cursed at/ or death-stared, or some combination thereof. Moreover, on the subject of the escalators, I also direct your attention back to Rule #5 and encourage you to walk with a purpose once your ride up or down is complete. Do not stop at the top or bottom and cause a domino effect of people running into you simply because you do not know what to do next.
I promise you, if everyone followed these rules, MetroLand would be a much less scary place for all. =)
